Sunday, April 1st
Many times I would drive down River Road on Sundays to commune with nature, the River, and my Universe. I would walk and read, meditate, and write from the Transcendent state. I linger by the water till about 2pm. At which time, I am totally soaked in love with life and completely inspired to project myself into this beautiful time space reality, our blue planet, Earth.
I woke up early this magnificent spring morning to be with my soul mate. He wanted to do a 4-hour bike ride in DC via the Rock Creek Parkway. I made a light breakfast, sliced mangoes, oatmeal, and Challah bread left over from Sabbath night and green tea. He wanted to be on the road by 6am but it is still too dark so he asked if I could drive him closer to DC, by sunrise which will be 6:45am this first day of April. I agreed to drive him. We ate a leisurely breakfast and arrived in Bethesda by 7:30 am.
I said goodbye and wished him a good ride. We hugged and he took off. Free as a bird on his touring bike. I watched him till he disappears from my sight. He is free to project himself to this reality. He is free to create, experience, and enjoy this wonderful time, in this perfect Earth space, in this wonderful Universe.
I am feeling a bit vulnerable watching him take off. Parting with someone I love dearly no matter brief sometimes leaves me feeling an empty space in the core of my stomach. He is my soul mate, my playmate, and my love mate. The Universe brought us together because we love to experience life, all of life, rendezvous with one another for contrasting, satisfying, and exhilarating experiences. If I focus on the feeling of that empty space, (which most of us feel compelled to give it more life that it really deserve by continuing to acknowledge it), could weakened me and most would seek the comfort of the bed and blanket, hiding from the pain of the moment. The feeling felt like, or as if, a twin was taken from me and was sent away not knowing when we will see each other again. I am very sensitive to this kind of feeling because at age 13, I was sent away to live with an aunt and at age 16, I was sent to America, separated from my mother and siblings for over 5 years in my teen years.
I let the feeling pass through me. I became the Observer. I searched for the right words to align me. Then, I recited my affirmation I learned from Charles Haanel’s “The Master Key System”, “I am whole and perfect,” several times.
The phrase “whole and perfect” is a perfect pair of words. The word “whole” defined by the Webster-Merriam dictionary is – “as to contain all components, complete, a thing that is complete in itself, not divided, or disjoined, in one unit, comprising the full quantity, without diminution (shrinking) or exception, entire, full or total.”
I am whole and perfect. I am the totality, the entire, undivided me. I am not defective or imperfect, not broken or fractured, uninjured. I am the integral part of me. I am whole and perfect.
This is how Source sees us. And this brief parting with my soulmate and playmate, reminded me once more that I am complete, not lacking nor wanting. I am whole.
Such a contrasting feeling – this feeling of knowing compared to the feeling of that empty space in the pit of my stomach and left unfilled. Having released the words “I am whole and perfect,” the feeling of complete totality is now more a reality.
I realized how precious life is. Every moment must be lived to its totality. You cannot withhold appreciation and love for someone. When you are in love, focus on loving. When the feeling of appreciation comes to you focus on letting the person know how much you appreciate them. Do not wait. Seize the opportunity when you are fully aware of what you are feeling. There is not another time than this moment. If the person is not with you and calling them is not option, or that you no longer have a way of connecting with them, release the appreciation into the ether, the Universal manager will match like thoughts and the person you intended to receive your appreciation will receive it and reflect it back to you. And then, you let go, you did your part, expecting nothing in return.
Feel it, say it, do it, release it. That is your intention. Share it. Now, there is no better time than now.
The day before, Saturday, March 31st.
The day began with a beautiful walk at Clopper Lake. I return to this lake often. Our 7-month old puppy is beside himself. The van was parked outside the house. He knew a long ride awaits him. An adventure at the end of the ride, Oh boy! Joy overtakes him. The ride to the lake is a new experience for him. Like the puppy, the lake, nature, the sounds of the early morning always brings me joy. All of nature awakens by 4am. This is the time when the Universe communicates with us. When we are rested, quiet, and closest to our true nature, Eternal. The Universe is so generous, so supportive of my desire to be happy and experience peace and serenity. Walking here in alignment to my true nature, my Source, with my soul mate and the pure positive energy of this puppy added to this glorious day. I love my life. This exhilarating life is a total experience of unending, unspeaking, outrageous Joy! I am whole perfect.
Life is simply pure Joy! I am.
The Sun rose higher on the horizon. The birds sing gleefully greeting the dawn. The woodpecker drummed merrily. Nature is alive. Spring is here and the air smelled sweetly. The gentle breeze is soothing to the skin. My heart beat contently. I am reminded that I carry with me the highest technology in all of the cosmos, this heartbeat mechanism that beat your heart and mine. The puppy ran and ran his heart out and would pause, to look back towards us, waiting a signal to go, be, and be free. My soul mate acknowledged, nodded, understanding the puppy’s intent. No worries. Off he ran. Even this puppy knows convention. He paused to wait for me to catch up with him. I gave my soul mate a look of appreciation from this polite gesture from the puppy and to let him know how much I appreciate for being part of this co-creative experience. He smiled, agreeing. We did not exchange words – just total vibrational frequency of total appreciation. There were many instances that I would be thinking something and he would give me the answer to what I was thinking without my saying a single word.
We continued to walk around the big lake. A lovely day! A glorious day!
I visited my girlfriend in the early evening. Sunset during the early spring is about 7:30 pm. She prepared a light dinner of penne pasta, cooked just right, light creamy sauce, asparagus lightly cooked and drizzled with olive oil, grilled chicken twinned with red wine 2011, La Finca, oak aged Tempranillo from Mendoza, Argentina. We talked about family and friends throughout dinner. It has been a habit to visit with her on the weekends. She would cook and I would drive to her. She did not like to drive too far and since I am already on the road, it is easier for me to drive to her. I have begun to enjoy this routine. I looked forward to seeing her. I was able to take a nap before seeing her. I was rested and content. My day had unfolded to the simple pleasure of being exactly how I imagined it. This was my creation. I was pleased. The Law of Attraction is exact.
She continued to talk as she prepared the pasta, al dente. She had mentioned that she had lost several friends recently. She must still feel the loss of these friendships. Any separation will leave a lingering feeling of sadness. I listened without judgment. I’ve learned to be the observer. I shared with her my experience with a similar situation. I said, people will almost always vote themselves out of any relationships when they are no longer in alignment with you. There is no good or bad about all this. It is as it is. I said, “Please don’t feel bad. It is not you that failed them. They are creating their own reality. We are all creators and co-creators, creating for ourselves our own experiences.” She felt relieved. She understood this concept from the Law of Attraction. You attract what you are thinking and focusing on. My friend had changed her thoughts of – is it me – did I do something wrong – or will I ever be good enough to be accepted – if I am accepted – how do I keep that status? Her friends’ opinions are important to her and carry with it this sense of finality that how she is viewed and accepted by friends and family makes her who she is and without their acceptance meant she has failed or lacking. This would be her constant struggle. She said no matter how happy her life seemed; even she could attest to her happiness, there was always this knotted pain in her stomach.
This night she told me of a story of how I helped her get out of a big gap in her life where she had been when her husband left 12 years ago for another woman, but it is not that cut and dry. There are other factors to a separation. Each of us are creating for ourselves a life of our choosing. We all are searching for a life that makes us happy. We desire for something and the underlying reason is the desire to be happy. She reminded me of how I was an integral part of her path to healing and her journey to a path of happiness and peace.
I reflected back to that empty parting feeling I had just experienced seeing my soul mate disappear from my sight so he could re-experience being on the road again on his bike. This little fleeting sadness is nothing compared to that big gap my friend’s separation from her husband of 20-year marriage had left her. I listened intently with curiosity and truly understanding where she had come from. Her husband, his musical career, her young daughter was her life. What would happen to her and how would this breakup affect their daughter? All is up in the air. I felt pained listening to her recall the story. I listened and let it pass through me and the pain began to dissipate. The big gape in my stomach started to close. I could breathe easily again. I breathe in more deeply. Life is so precious.
I had introduced her to the Law of Attraction shortly after her separation. She had moved back to Italy. I visited her one year at her beach home in Rome, two blocks from the ocean. The evenings on the terrace were magnificent. The Moon rose above the ocean over the terrace as big as the sky is huge. She would go to the market daily to buy fresh fruit and vegetables, fresh meat and fish, and bottles of Italian white wine.
Our dinners over the terrace is almost unreal, something you would read from a romance novel. The big moon, the sky, and the flame of the candles lit our surroundings of exotic plants and beautiful dishes of her sumptuous creation. The wine glasses reflected the flame of the candles and created a more festive and serene atmosphere, all very haunting, lively, giddy, and romantic, all together. A mixture of feelings, as if almost capturing lost times together in America and here we were making up for many years of separation. We had shared fun and happiness, mixed with it the joy and pain of raising children and keeping a marriage of 20 years. How did we ever survive such a life? We had raised beautiful children, together, now all capable, independent, vibrant, happy, innocent and vulnerable all at the same time. We had to let them be and find their life and happiness too. Life is certainly precious; there was nothing permanent about it. Knowing what I know now, that is, life is certainly more precious than when I was just living each day as if inside a story book, a matrix, and I was the player in this game of life, all in a very short period of time. The ending was not spelled out, why didn’t I know, why didn’t I give it more thought. Why didn’t I plan it better?
She said to me, “Cathy, if not for your example and teachings, I don’t know if I would still be existing.” The breakup had really devastated her. She had nowhere else to go but up. She had reached bottom. Now it is time to dig herself out of the hole. Day by day, year by year, the hole started to mend, heal and close.
We had gotten into the habit of meeting up for dinner at her apartment in Bethesda over a Saturday or Sunday night once or twice a month. Tonight was one of those dinner evenings. The conversation was very reflective of our journey to where we had come from to the path that we both chose to traverse. A path of harmony and peace, the only guide to living I embraced completely. Nothing fell outside of this harmonious peaceful life and nothing fell inside this path if it is counter to my intention. I dismissed them and paid them no attention. I could not, for to give it attention, is to give it more importance than it deserves. My attention to unwanted things just invited them into my experience and my attention to them gave them life and that is counter-thought, counter-intention, and counter-intuitive. I would not have any of that.
My personal declaration:
Nothing is more important than that I be happy. Nothing is more important than that I be happy.
My friend was very grateful and appreciative of what I have shared with her. I was at the time was healing too from a suppressive 20-year relationship. I had been seeking many enlightened individuals and reading their books over and over, including reading Abraham Hicks “Ask and it is Given”, their book on the Law of Attraction, which I consider my bible on this law. I had been implementing the principles of the Law of Attraction into my life. I felt that I had become an expert on these principles so much so that I became inspired to organize a Meetup group with a photo album outfitted with captions outlining the successful path to manifesting anything you could ever want, including my soul mate in 30-days using the Law of Attraction, now seemed almost an overnight manifestation. I am living this manifestation and I savor every moment I am with him. The Universe is very generous, I get what I think about. Nowadays because of my practice of Transcendental Meditation (TM), I need only 3-4 hours of sleep because TM gives me an equivalent of 8-hours of sleep I need in a short period of time, and the transcendent state is a much deeper rest than sleep. I began listening to Deepak Chopra’s CDs and he led me to Maharishi Mahesh Yogi which then led me to the TM and the TM Siddhi program. Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer and Jerry and Esther Hicks teachings were my staple food each day and each night for over 5 years. My life took a dramatic change when I studied Transcendental Meditation (TM) and started to practice it twice a day. My days are blissful, the kind when you are still happily floating even in the midst of a 4-hour rush hour traffic laced with car accidents along the I-270 and I-495 trek from Gaithersburg to DC. No matter, I was blissful. My stereo played these gurus CDs for as long as I was driving in the car. Sometimes, I would eject Deepak and apologize because now I need to listen to Wayne. “I am so sorry Deepak, truly I am.”
Our conversations over dinner tonight was of remembering the days after her husband had left her. She reminded me of the many weekends I would visit her bringing with me bags of clothing to pick from to wear for dinner and dancing, meet our friends at Ozio on K Street, and then visit more night clubs till 3 or 4am in the mornings. Now we are most content of sharing a lovely dinner in her apartment in Bethesda and watch the magnificent Sunset on her balcony. Oh by the way, she did return to America.
One year I visited her in Italy. She had decided to move back to Rome after the separation. I spent my morning meditating on the ocean. Her home in Rome is a lovely beach condo a block from the ocean. I spent every morning meditating, then my Yoga practice right at the beach. I took much pleasure in the quiet morning hours when all of nature awakens. I listen to the sound of the ocean, the calling of my Source to return to pure positive energy. She stayed in while I walked the beach. By the time I was done with my morning routine of meditation, Yoga, and brief walk, my espresso and pastry are ready. The food and wine bar right on the beach had prepared them for me just in time for me to go back to the condo. Later, I found out that my friend had made arrangement with the local vendor to take care of my needs and to watch out for me. My friend is very thoughtful and generous.
So as we reminisce over a bottle of Italian wine and continue to eat leisurely, she began to tell me what I had shared with her the last time we had shared another dinner together.
‘Cathy, the last time you were here in my apartment, you told me to replace my self-inner talk that leaves me weakened and the knotted pain in my stomach too unbearable, with “I am whole and perfect.” And you added, “What else is there?” I began to consciously say this to myself. I wrote it in my notepad. She proceeded to get up out of her chair to show me the notepad where she had written it down.”
She continued. “Each time this knotted pain would weaken me I would go to my note and read it. After many days of practice it has become a habit. I believed what you said. And now, I am feeling so much better. The knotted pain dissipated. When I feel the onset of a barrage of self defeating thought, I would replace it with “I am whole and perfect.” I am reminded also when you said “What else is there? There’s nothing else.”
The words whole and perfect are her complete totality.
Definition of Perfect:
– lacking nothing essential to the whole,
– complete of its nature or kind,
– being without defect or blemish,
– a perfect specimen,
– satisfying all requirements,
The word perfect is the twin of whole; whole and perfect, the perfect soul mate, which cannot be separated. They are a Perfect One. “Whole and Perfect” – a united pair of words to describe who you truly are. There is nothing else and that is all there is. “You are whole and perfect.”
I wish you all a glorious life of your own creation, create, be whole and perfect.
The writing above you just read is my own experiences and my feelings and interpretations. I only wanted to let you know that I take no sides or make no judgments. And to let you know I am not here to force anything to happen or drive anything home for you. Each of us has a story tell. Just remember that if you continue to tell that story, you are still living in the past and continue to give it life. You are not able to escape the past unless you decide to stop giving it life. It is your choice.
I taught a cycling and Yoga class in the morning. Most of the Saturday afternoon before visiting my friend in the evening, I spent time researching to show some condos for my real estate client in Virginia. Of the 12 houses that matched my buyer’s home criteria, she liked the one in Arlington and the one in Annandale. I did not have to show houses today because one of the owners was out of town and the condo fee of the one in Arlington was too high for my client’s budget.
I mentioned my work activities above because no matter how inspired and enlightened I am, I must still “chop wood and carry water.” I still work, create income, be responsible to my clientele, teach, be fit and be part of the community, this Earth space, where I decided to spend the rest of my physical life.
And then again, it is my choice to create that which I desire. I have the power to agree and disagree with the reality I am experiencing at any moment in this time space reality and so do you. You have the power to make up your mind and un-make your mind. You hold the power to create and un-create. You are the creator of your own experiences. So how do you know what you are creating? You think it first to create it. Your focus creates. Focus only on what you want, and what you want you get. So if you like what you are experiencing, then keep thinking it. But if you do not want what you are experiencing then don’t think it. You give way too much importance to the things you don’t want and you keep getting what you don’t want because you give it life with your attention to it. Simply change your mind. Simply change your thoughts. Then the experiences will change. This power you have is not about yesterday and not about using it tomorrow, this power is about now. Now is your power to create and change your future reality.
A simple test of your power: Think and project yourself in New York City and you are there. That is your power. Who can disagree with you? Only you can disagree with you. You agree to everything even when you disagree. Both are parts of the same pole of existence. Where does agree and disagree begins and end? It is you that is making the choices. Attention is everything. Focus and attention is the only thing that stirs the particles of the Universe. Quantum physics tells us that out of nothing we create with our focus and attention. Yes, you create with both focus and attention in this unified field Einstein and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi discovered. Know that there is a time delay, before the creation becomes a reality, before you actually experience what you are paying attention to. So you have plenty of time to change your mind. Make up your mind and unmake your mind, decide or decide not, in the end you choose anyway and it makes no difference whether you say Yes or No. But decide. You will always be right. Because what is true for you is true for you and only you know what is true for you. You are right. You are always right. Always.
Also, remember that if you wait too long, let me rephrase that, many people live this life only wanting and never having, leaving this life unfulfilled. No worries. You make your own choices. Live in the present moment. In the present is where you have the power to create your tomorrow’s experiences and your future glorious experiences if that is what you desire. Be in the now. Focus now. Be present now. It will unfold, I can assure you of that. What will unfold?
The answer: That which you are focusing and paying attention to.
Love Live, Live Love